Today is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I don’t often speak publicly about my own miscarriages, but today I feel the need to share.
Grief is always hard, but unless you have experienced this particular type of grief it is hard to describe. Losing a baby means that not only do you grieve for the loss of someone you love, you grieve for all of the memories that you never got to make. You grieve for all of the tomorrows that you don’t get to have. You grieve not just the big things, but so many little things - skinned knees and first haircuts and learning to ride a bike. My heart was shattered five times, but even knowing the pain I still would never have missed the time I had with my sweet angel babies. I never got to hold them in my arms, but they live forever in my heart.
My children taught me important lessons about my own strength, the utter devotion of my husband, and the kindness that even total strangers can show. The loss of my babies initiated me into a sisterhood of remarkable women who have survived horrible losses, but can still reach out a hand to lift you up. They brought a new depth to friendships I already had and brought some very special new friends into my life. I am so grateful for the gift of my babies and all of the lessons that they taught me.
In memory of Billy, Katie, the twins, Shrimp, and Little One.